Sophia

I just laid down to sleep and remembered that I forgot to do night prayer. I am exhausted and really didn’t want to get up out of the comfort and security of my mosquito net crowned bed. Then a strange thought popped into my head. If I was married and had a wife who called out to me right now, would I even hesitate to get up? That was enough convincing for me.

As a seminarian studying for the priesthood, if God calls me to ordination then I won’t be blessed with a wife of my own in the normal sense, but the Church would become my bride. This I have known intellectually, but there is a big gap between knowing this in your mind and feeling this in your heart. Before tonight I don’t think this gap has ever been breached. But something stirred in me tonight.

It is a seemingly trivial event for a possible life-changing end, but hey, our God works in mysterious ways. I started to think of this concept of the Church becoming my bride, and suddenly all the faces and interactions with the people I have met here in Africa came flooding to mind. Maybe my previous experience, mistakes, and self-centeredness stifled my mind and didn’t allow me to look beyond and properly grasp this truth of the priesthood. But at this moment I saw all of these people in pure love.

After this all overcame me, I listened to two songs by Matt Maher: Sophia and Set Me As A Seal. I’ve never listened to these songs without a longing for a tangible bride one day (one was even the “first dance” at a wedding I attended…didn’t help). So I’m not exactly sure what drove me to listen to these at this moment. Either I was testing this epiphany of mine or trying to snap myself out of it. Either way, it did affect me in a new way. The first line to Sophia goes:

She’s so, you know, makes me want to be like Jesus.

Now, there are several women who have told me that they can’t wait for a guy to say this about them one day. Well, this experience, looking back, not only at my time in Africa but farther still, I can definitely say that I have a desire to be like Jesus. To be whatever the Church needs of me and whatever God is calling of me. Later the song says:

In your Sacred Heart I burn for you, could I burn with her in the flame of Truth,
where all my burdens float like an angel feather?
Sophia, you know me; Sophia, see through me;
Sophia, dance with me, help me make it through the night.

The Sophia in the song refers partially to a person, but Sophia also means “wisdom” in Greek. In this context, referring to the divine Wisdom of God. “Therefore I prayed, and prudence was given me; I pleaded, and the spirit of Wisdom came to me. For she is the instructress in the understanding of God, the selector of his works” (Wisdom 7:7, 8:4) May God continue to guide me in this journey and allow me to experience his love burning in his Sacred Heart. And may I then be transformed and so filled with this Love that I can’t help but share the flame of Truth with his universal Church. And as for my vocation, well...

I am, your Hands, tell me what your plan for this is…

-Dan
written 07/07/11